I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
