Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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