remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
