I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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