wanna go halves on a baby?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
