Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
