I hate your face
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
