Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
