I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
