I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
