There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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