He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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