Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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