hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
