the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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