Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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