By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Soap is not a condiment
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
