Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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