is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
