it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
