i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
two words: eviction party
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
