Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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