every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I think your dad took our porno
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
