i permit you to call me
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
