There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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