Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
