I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
