Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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