How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
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