i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
