We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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