i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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