Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
