Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
