Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Randomize
