I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
