he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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