you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
