I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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