well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
