too bad you live with your parents still
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
