In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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