you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
