So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
