I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
