All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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