I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
