Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
