I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
