yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
