Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Fuck appropriateness.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
